Jesus was an Alien

Alien Egg Easter

Alien Egg Easter

I woke up this morning feeling more warped and crazy than usual. Being the day before Easter, and being that the tradition is to dye eggs, I looked critically at my canvas (the egg in my hand). I tried to envision Charley Brown stripes across it’s surface, and different twirls and colors, when I happened to turn it up-side-down.

I was flooded by feelings of shock and horror as the repressed memories of the X-Files being cancelled came rushing back. Choking back tears I heard those simple notes and knew the truth was out there. I could trust no one. I had to get my message out. The question was how?

How indeed? What was my message? What was my age again? And, what on Earth was I talking about? Oh, yeah, not on Earth, right.

Green Alien Easter Egg

Green Alien Easter Egg

After my tearful memory passed, I chuckled to myself and took a raw egg and died it green. Yes, a RAW egg. Boiling eggs is so 1984. I died a RAW egg green, let him dry, put glue where the eyes should be, rolled him in purple beads, poked a hole in the top (his head?), poked a hole in his bottom (his vent?), put a miniature bellows to his head, squeezed lightly and his egg guts dribbled into a bowl.

My hollow alien egg. This is actually the second egg I tried. The first one was decorated completely awesomely, however it exploded when I tried to blow the guts out the tiny vent-hole. Yes, I got egg all over my face. This guy’s actually upside down, But who cares? He’s still out of this world!

A sun-burned Grey?

A sun-burned Grey?

So after egg dying was over, I decided to make the black egg this year. I tried a different method though. I poured all the different dye bowls together into one giant bowl and dipped my egg inside. Unfortunately it didn’t turn black.

It turned pink! Oh well, these are a race of aliens that Mulder and Scully hadn’t run into yet… I guess. Maybe?

Oh, fudge, it’s Easter and Jesus was an alien! So there, I said it. Everyone was thinking it anyway. I know you were because that’s what this entry is titled. Pink alien egg, 1984 hard boiled, but at least he’s right side up and his eye’s are symmetrical.

My eldest daughter (who goes by the web pseudonym of Tweedle-L) got into the L. Ron Hubbard, scientology act with her twisted old man with her rendition of the monsters who come at night and experiment on her.

They're coming to take her away.

They're coming to take her away.

Little, green, nazi, aliens, that’s where it’s at this year.

Luckily, my wife had something to do with our children. They aren’t little, freaky, female clones of myself. My youngest daughter (Tweedle-A, who faithfully attends a religious pre-school) decided that her daddy was being ‘Sacrilegious’ and told me to stop. So I did.

Easter is not about Aliens.

Easter is not about Aliens.

We cleaned up. Not wanting to waste the egg insides I just blew out, I decided to have some lunch. A little food coloring in the eggs and I soon had a wonderful Dr. Seuss meal, Green Eggs and Ham.

The Illuminati are sending me a sign.

The Illuminati are sending me a sign.

Pay no attention to the fact that those eggs look like an illuminate pyramid with three orbs above it. Really, I wasn’t going for anything other than green eggs and ham. I just realized this striking coincidence when I imported the photos from my wife’s digital camera.

Then again: Trust no one! The truth is out there!

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